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Dear
Mark,
A hearty
welcome to all of you! I hope your holiday preparations are not too hectic
and that this month is filled with a nice combination of fond memories,
gluttony, and joy.
I'm starting
to hear the sounds of hoofies on the roof, and in anticipation of the
upcoming schedule, I will not have a newsletter on December 26th. You will
hear from me again on January 2nd.
In addition to
some holiday material, we'll talk today about your kids and the chores
they do. (or don't!)
Chores
for Your Kids 
You have a
chore to do around the house and your kids want to help out somehow. At
this time of year, it might be holiday decorations.
You know that
it might be nice for them to help but you're feeling a bit impatient. And
you know that it might turn into a two hour project and there might be a
big mess to clean up. A mess that could be avoided if you did it yourself.
We've all been
there, haven't we?
It can be so
much easier to do the household chores and projects without the assistance
from your little friends. After all, who's got the time in today's world
to make a project longer than it needs to be?
You do.
Why
is it important to include your kids in household
tasks?
Once in a
while there is some research that unveils something that's so important
and relevant that it screams for parents to hear it.
Researcher
Marty Rossman at the University of Minnesota studied a group of young
adults from the time they were young children. The startling results of
the study were that the young adults who had participated in household
chores when they were age 3 and 4 were more successful as adults than
those who didn't.
Specifically,
these young adults were more likely to complete their education, get a
good start on a career, develop adult relationships, and avoid the use of
drugs. The early participation in household chores was deemed more
important in their success than any other factor, including IQ.
On the other
hand, if children did not begin participating in household chores until
they were teenagers, the experience seemed to backfire and had a negative
effect on their success as young adults, using those same measures.
What
does this really mean?
When your
young kids feel as though their dad (or mom) believes they're capable of
handling simple chores around the house, it is an incredibly powerful
message to them.
Dad believes I
can do it!
If your kids
believe that's how you feel about them as they go through life, you're a
genius.
You'll also be
the father of confident, responsible, happy kids. That's what is created
when you choose to see your kids as capable and you believe in them. But
wait! You can't just see them as capable. You also have to show patience
with them when they tackle these chores. You can't take over for them when
they struggle or "correct" what they did.
This will only
serve to undermine their confidence and discourage
them.
Imagine the
difference you can make with your kids by allowing their participation in
the family chores. Imagine the difference in your kids esteem level that
results from encouraging them rather than criticizing them.
You do have
time to include your kids in chores and projects at
home.
Tell every
other father and mother that you know that they have time,
too.
It's too
important not to.
Here's
the article....
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Don't
Make your Wife Sick! |
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If
you're married, do your wife a favor over the holidays. Don't argue
with her, you may make her sick!
Researchers
at Ohio State University found that when married couples argued, the
battle may still be raging in women hours afterward. This may alter
her hormone levels and weaken her immune system to the point where
illness may follow.
My guess
is that this goes the other way as well, but I didn't find any
research to back that up. Anyway, don't argue! It's bad for your
health!
Won't
help your kids much, either.
Article
link
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Holiday
Stress Busters |
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This
time of year can be so wonderful and yet it can be so stressful and
overwhelming. There are ways to take control of your holiday that
you may not have thought of.
Author
Susan Newman, PhD, has written an article on surviving the holidays
with a minimum of stress. She's also the author of the new book,
"Nobody's Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship with Your
Mother and Father (Walker, 2003).
Check
out her "Holiday Survival Checklist" on the link below.
.
Holiday survival
article
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Ask
Mark |
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Question:
"I get angry with my kids all the time. Usually I end up yelling at
them, and this gets them to do what I want, but I feel terrible
afterward. Can you help me stop this? I can feel my kids are afraid
of me."
Answer:
This is a common problem that needs to be addressed right away. It
can be improved and eliminated, but there needs to be a strong
commitment from you to make it happen.
It's
very easy to get into a spiral of anger with your kids. Once you get
angry a number of times, it tends to feed on itself. Here are some
ideas:
· Raise your standards. Can
you really expect your kids to show control when you can't do it
yourself?
· Fill your mind with thoughts
of being more calm and controlled. Repeat calming thoughts to
yourself, prayer, whatever brings a vision of more calm to you. This
needs to be done consistently.
· Have accountability built
in. Have your mate or kids hold you to your commitment to improve on
your yelling. They'll be tough judges, but there's a higher chance
for success when you've made a committed promise to follow through.
· Make sure you're doing some
self-care: excercise, a decent diet, time away from stress, etc.
Your stress will have a way of being contagious and impacting
others.
· Use a breathing excercise to
help you to relax and practice being more aware of your anger in the
early stages. Then you can respond to the situation rather than
reacting to it.
Know
that it's not too late to improve but that you may have to earn back
the trust of your kids a bit. The last thing I think we want is our
kids to be afraid of us.
Good
luck with your new program!
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Holiday
Stress Coaching |
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Yes, the
holidays can be stressful. And yet in most cases, we can make
decisions that will help us to enjoy this holiday to its fullest.
My
holiday coaching offer: I will provide a one half hour coaching
session to assist you in any "holiday challenge" you are having for
$40 (normally $75). If our session does not help your holiday
challenge to improve, your money back with no questions
asked.
This
offer is only good to subscribers!
Create a
better holiday for yourself. Take solution- focused action and make
it happen.
To
contact me for holiday coaching, click on the e-mail link below.
Email
link
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Free
Credit Report |
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If
you're interested in taking charge of your financial situation, the
first step may be to get a copy of your credit report. You can
obtain that information at absolutely no charge at the following
site.
It will
give you a 30 day-free trial period. Don't be concerned that you
have to enter your credit card number. You'll just need to call them
back or contact them on-line to cancel your trial.
The
phone number to call to cancel is 1-888-888-8553.
Get free credit
report
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On-line
Window Shopping |
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If you
do things like I do and sometimes wait till the last minute to do
your shopping, this site has some nice "window shopping" for holiday
gifts.
You may
end up mentally healthier if you can avoid going to the mall this
holiday season!
Window
shopping
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Father
Quote and joke |
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All
fathers are invisible in daytime; daytime is ruled by mothers and
fathers come out at night. Darkness brings home fathers, with their
real, unspeakable power. There is more to fathers than meets the
eye. -Margaret Atwood, 1939
While
attending a marriage therapy weekend, Walter and his wife Ann
listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands
and wives know what is important to the
other."
He
addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite
flower?"
Walter
leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury
All-Purpose, isn't it?"
And thus
began Walter's life of celibacy.
Keep
giving me questions and suggestions for improvement. Thanks to those
of you who participated in the recent teleclass, it was outstanding!
Have a
wonderful time with your loved ones!
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